What have we been doing?

Ebbs and flows. I haven't been able to post the last few weeks months, for a variety of reasons. Mostly work reasons. Too much of it. And time reasons. Too little of it. Some things that have occurred since the last post in April.

We flew to Boston in late April--yes, all of us--to attend my grandmother's memorial service. Connie was 98 years old when she passed away. The service was wonderful, touching. For someone who was so long-lived, there were so many people there, family, friends of family, people she had touched in some way over the course of her long, generous life. She was buried next to her husband, my grandfather, on a beautiful, warm, sunny spring day. Xander and Kai played with sticks in the cemetery while we laid her to rest.
We stayed with Xander and Kai's Grandma Dixie. My sister and her family came up from South Carolina, and Xander and his cousin Kat were able to play together for the first time. It was wonderful to spend time with Mom, Jen, Steve, and Kat. If only there was a tesseract connecting the West Coast and the East Coast. Delta doesn't quite cut it.

In June, we ramped up our apartment/house hunt to full gear. Micah and I spent every spare minute (and some not-spare minutes at work) scouring Craigslist for apartments, condos, houses in and around Sunnyvale that met our (stringent?) standards: two to three bedrooms, decent school, walkable/bikeable neighborhood, place for bike storage, and allowed cats. Oh, and not $3500 a month. Rents are obscene in Silicon Valley--driven up by young programmers with no families, living three to an apartment, making six-figure salaries.

Well, in early July--after emailing no fewer than 60 landlords--we found a place that met most of our criteria. We'll be moving to Sunnyvale, into a cute, 3-bedroom, single-family home, in a neighborhood within walking distance of a park, an elementary school, downtown (Farmer's Market! Target ?! Macy's ?!?!?), Caltrain, and, most importantly, Micah's work. Hardwood floors, a giant magnolia tree with branches awaiting a swing, a garage. We'll be neighbors with our friends Arwen & Satyam. We're looking forward to setting up and settling in, and hope to have a BBQ with friends once we're established.

Whew! Now all we need to do is move.

Five Years!

Five years ago, one beautiful, warm, sunny April morning, Micah and I got married.* Last night, we celebrated by soaking in a hot tub in Berkeley, then eating a delicious dinner at Wood Tavern, just around the corner from our house.

The Brazilian Room, Tilden Park, Berkeley

Our original honeymoon plans, to fly to Hawaii, were abandoned after the airline went bankrupt and cancelled our flight. Instead, we took a southwest road trip, driving to Bishop, CA, Death Valley, NV, Zion National Park, UT, and Moab, UT. In our two-door Honda Accord, we took two bikes, camping gear, climbing gear, bouldering pad, and about 20 pairs of shoes. I was four months pregnant and the smell of wood smoke made me nauseated. Wildflowers were out. It was a fun trip.

We followed it up with a July trip to Trondheim, Norway, where Micah was presenting at a conference. Beautiful, cool, wet, and no true night, as we were close to the arctic circle.

Looking forward to many, many more years.

* Don't ask us the date, because apparently we can't remember. I reminded Micah that our anniversary was coming up on the 5th, and he made dinner reservations. Then a few days later, we both independently realized that we actually got married on the 12th. So we celebrated a week early. I find it endearing that we both made the same mistake; an example of the effortless synchronization of our minds.

We make it through another spring break

Sunday marks the second-to-last day of Xander's week-long spring break from preschool. He was off all last week, and will be off on Monday. Micah and I couldn't take six days off work, so we asked Clelia to watch Xander for three days, Micah watched the boys one day, and I am watched the boys two days.  Micah and I love spending time with the boys, but parenting both of them alone is H-A-R-D. Messes are made, toys are grabbed, books are ripped, tears are shed, heads are bonked.

Yet, we've made it through another spring break. And today, we had my friend Clare and her 19-month old cutie, B, over for Easter dinner. We lined the kids up on the porch for a holiday picture. This is the best serious shot:

X tries to hold Kai on steps while B looks on

 This is the best shot we got after giving up on any attempts at serious photos:

The three musketeers: Goofy, squirmy, and sleepy

Easter morning we hunted eggs at the local pocket park with 60 plus kids under age eight. It's organized by neighbors, and is quite a scene.

Wow, I do sound sort of helicopter-mom in that clip, don't I?
It was actually kind of overwhelming by the end...

Perfect image of my sweet, thoughtful,
four-and-a-half year old boy.

We've both enjoyed spending the time with X and K this past week. I'd really love to live a life where one of us didn't need to work full-time. It's possible, but would require significant (and scary) changes. Tradeoffs, really. We're so busy with the treadmill of work, household management, and kids, that we don't get a chance to slow down and make these hard decisions. At the same time, I am conscious that the kids are growing up quickly, and our window of opportunity before they become sullen teenagers is closing.

Finally Recovered from Daylight Savings

We turned our clocks forward two weeks ago. The kids did not adjust well. The first week, we were looking at bedtimes of 8 pm for Kai and 10 pm for Xander; both boys slept in until nearly 8 am, wreaking havoc on our morning routine.

Kai slowly adjusted back to a 7 pm bedtime. Xander, however, fought it, resulting in a very, very tired and cranky four-year-old. Last Monday, he came home from school and had a 20-minute crying fit about whether he could watch Chuggington on YouTube before or after dinner.  He finally agreed he was tired, and went to his room to lie down--at 6 pm--and slept for 14 hours. He's been back on schedule since.

I mentioned in the Saint Patrick's Day post that Xander absentmindedly sings when he plays. I captured some video of it:

Now that Kai has mastered walking, he's advancing quickly with communication skills. He understands English and Spanish very well, and babbles in a gurgly mix of both languages. Words he can say include: agua, adios, hola, gracias, one two three, uno dos tres, zapatos, Xander, mama, daddy, gato, milk. He understands a lot more than he can say. He knows where things should go (like shoes on feet, or my glasses to me), and follows simple directions (like "sit down"). Yesterday, as I was outside on the front porch, he walked to the open front door with two (mismatched) shoes in his hands, and held them up. It was clear he wanted to go outside, and he knew he needed shoes to do it.

Here he is after climbing up on the footstool to reach the bathroom sink. It's a long video with not much happening, but there is babbling. And please don't be concerned, he is wearing pants in this video--they are just white, and he's diaper-free.

In moving news, I finally had to hire someone through TaskRabbit to do preschool research for us. Micah and I have no spare time during the work day to do this research/calling. By Monday, I will have a list of schools with all info I need to start making decisions. I'm paying someone $50 to do this--a mom who lives in Texas. Check out the website if you're not familiar with it--you post a job you need someone to do, they bid, you review their qualifications and reviews, and you choose. I've had a great experience so far.

Once we get preschool and daycare covered, we will know our target moving date, and then everything else should fall into place.

Happy Saint Patrick's Day

Two Wednesday's ago, was one of those fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants days. Tuesday afternoon, our nanny found out she had a mid-day event on Wednesday she had to attend So, Tuesday night and Wednesday morning, I scrambled to find last-minute child care for Kai, but it didn't come through. Since Micah just started his job and is an hour (minimum) commute away, he has very little flexibility  I ended up shifting my work schedule so I could watch Kai from 10:30 am to 3:30 pm.

Be it kids getting sick or Xander's school vacation/inservice/holidays, we end up needing emergency care several times a month. I use a service that pre-screens sitters and books them for you, and I can often flex my hours to take care of the kids. However, I really wish we had nearby family who could watch the kids in a pinch.

Boys playing together nicely--no whining, no crying.

Colby Park. This park is a little oval island, encircled by a narrow street.
Really nice Craftsman homes all around.  It's home to occasional evening movie events,
and the annual neighborhood  Easter Egg Hunt.

One benefit of watching Kai last week: I got to spend some much needed quality time with him. He's beginning to communicate--verbally and with body language. He waves "adios" and when prompted, will blow a kiss. I can't remember how communicative Xander was at this age (15 months), but I feel like I'm anxiously awaiting Kai's ability to talk. 

Xander's thought process and communication skills are rapidly expanding. Just recently, he started singing songs. He'll play legos or trains and absentmindedly sing a song, or act goofy as he sings a tune with madeup words. He brings home a new mannerism almost every week from school.

Oh, in case you're wondering, we did have corned beef and cabbage last week, and everyone, even Kai, ate some.

Spring has Sprung

Seasons in the Bay Area are subtle, particularly in comparison to New England seasons. As a child, I recall standing outside barefoot on the patio in shorts and a t-shirt, thinking how incredible it was that in six months, it would be 20 degrees with a foot of snow. Here in Oakland, we have an average low of 51 degrees and an average high of 65 degrees. Sounds great, right? Most of the time, it is. I love being able to barbecue for New Years Day, but hate having to wear a parka to watch fireworks. And there's no fall color, no fireflies, and no thunderstorms.

But, around Micah's birthday in March, spring starts full swing. Here are some photos of our side yard, with bulbs we planted last fall.

Our neighbor's quince

Light pink quince. Blue skies that will we see until fog starts in June.

Quince, tropical-like plant I don't know the name of.

Daffodils on the side walk, with Xander's truck.

More of the side yard. Our landlady's kids live in the back cottage.
You can see our emergency earthquake kit to the right of the path.

 And here's some pictures of our Saturday morning breakfast. Pancakes (recipie courtesy Tassajara Bread Book), strawberries, bananas, sausage, and tea.

Do I look tired? I am tired. Kids are not letting us sleep these days.

Yum! Nom-nom-nom.

Mommy, I won't squeeze the box. (He squeezes the box.)

Let me do it myself, mom.

Walking, Climbing, Getting into Trouble

This past week, Kai officially passed into toddlerhood. He's walking around with a stiff-legged, drunken sailor gait, keeping us in suspense with each step. Will he fall? Will he drop to his knees? No, he manages to stay up for ten, fifteen, twenty-five feet.

He's not content with just moving horizontally. He continues to scale chairs, boxes, our legs, the cat. This behavior is new for us as parents--Xander was not a scaler. I'm dreading the day when I look in and Kai has climbed the bookshelves.

Kai, at 14 months, pushed the chair over, scaled it,
and grabbed the skin cream bottle,
all before we noticed what was going on.

Xander and Kai in a bouncy chair that they are both way too big for.

Xander looks on (and Mommy does, too, with a camera)
as Kai  flings himself out of the Lego box after
a failed attempt to get up on the table.

We've quickly adjusted to Micah's new commute schedule. To avoid traffic, he leaves late and gets home late. We share morning childcare, and Micah drops Xander off at school. I race home at 5:00 to pick up Xander at school and relieve Clelia, the nanny, at 5:30. As long as I've got dinner prepped, I can get the kids fed, bathed, Kai asleep, and Xander in p.j.'s and ready for stories by the time Micah gets home at 8 pm. Two to three hours of driving a day for Micah is not great, but for now we're managing it.

Things get all messed up, however, when we don't get enough sleep, and that has been happening a lot lately.  We play musical beds, with both boys often ending up in our bed, snuggled up as close as humanly possible to me. I frequently jump ship and sleep in Xander's bed or on the sofa, unfairly leaving Micah to deal with the half-asleep squirming kids.

Observe Kai after a night of squirming and fussing:

Bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, gnawing on Mommy's finger.

Observe Micah and Lauren after a night of Kai squirming and fussing in between us:

Micah after no sleep. (Dramatization)

Lauren after no sleep (not a dramatization)

Speaking of sleep, it's 11:03 on Sunday night, and I will be closing this now.

Valentine's Day

Life was too hectic this week to plan for a proper Valentine's Day celebration. Fortunately, I did have some time to help Xander make hearts for everyone in his preschool class. When I dropped him off today, kids were making heart-shaped sugar cookies in preparation for the school party.

Xander with friends at school Valentine's Day Party

At dinner tonight, Xander told me the Question of the Day was "love." "What is love?" I asked? Yes. See Xander's response below.

What is love? Answered by 3 and 4 year olds.

Man, these QoD's are great. Yes, love is flowers and scissors and that's all I can think about.

And Kai? He's toddling/crawling/kneewalking all over the place. He has this crazy sideways crawl he does when he's playing "chase me!" Every day with him is a little Valentine.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Phase Changes

A quick lesson in parenting science. As noted in Wikipedia:

When a substance undergoes a phase transition (changes from one state of matter to another) it usually either takes up or releases energy. 

More specifically, when something melts, it takes up--you could say uses--energy.

Case in point: the phenomenon of baby melting. Infants as young as 6 months old have the ability to use up energy in a concentrated burst and melt out of a baby-handler's arms. Kai is an expert phase changer, and recently permitted us to catch him in action. Exhibit A: Kai as a solid state baby.

Exhibit B: Approximately 8 minutes later, after being told he could, under no circumstances, crawl out the front door, down the porch steps and onto the sidewalk while we were in the kitchen cooking breakfast, we observe phase change from solid to liquid state.

While the phase change is easily observed, the exact mechanism by which the child becomes physically impossible to hold is a mystery. This phase change is typically accompanied by a dramatic increase in weight, itself the topic of several ongoing experiments.

2012 Recap

Wow, a lot happened this year! Just as Micah and I were beginning to feel more like normal adults and less like toddler-handlers, young Kai Lucas came along. True to his nature, he knew what he wanted and there was no stopping him. Forty minutes after Micah and I got to the hospital, he arrived, and immediately, our lives were upended and sleep became a distant memory.

Kai Lucas Ledbetter, December 5, 2012 around 11 pm.

Xander meeting Kai for the first time.

 In January, we started Xander in preschool at Rockridge Little School (check out the blog to see what the kids do each day--question of the day is a favorite.) After a week or two of screaming, tearful goodbyes, he got in the swing of things and now absolutely loves school. I'm so proud of how much he's grown. I can see him transforming into a kindergartner right before my eyes.

Xander and his good buddy Kazuya making secret gifts for parents in late December.
(It was a candle holder. Very classy.)

Question of the Day is my favorite part of the daily blog.
Xander is clearly an introvert and knows it.

I was able to take four months of maternity leave and started back at work on a reduced schedule in mid-March. Unfortunately, February and early March were not kind to me. I had several minor infections and the week I was to go back I developed pneumonia. I tried to take it easy after that.

We started Kai in daycare in March, and it quickly proved to be a problem. He is persistent, and tells us exactly what he wants and doesn't want. He literally cried all day at daycare, only stopping to drink milk and sleep. After several weeks of this, in which he had some good days and some bad, we came to the mutual agreement with the daycare provider that he could not be in daycare. We started to search for a nanny share in May.

Finally, after two months of ad-hoc childcare, including two days with a nanny who ended up being allergic to our cat, in July we found Clelia, who has been a lifesaver for us. Kai took to her immediately, and he greets her with a big grin and open arms. He's learning Spanish (which means I'm learning it and Micah is relearning it). He shares his days with a little boy about a year older than him. Every so often, we come home and Clelia has cooked us chicken soup or beans for dinner.

Clelia and Kai at the Oakland Zoo

Clelia, Kai, and Kai's friend at the Temescal Library story hour

The rest of the year, well, you can go through the archives and see what we did. A trip to Portland to see family, several trips to Humboldt, awesome Halloween costumes, Xander turning four, a low-key Thanksgiving, Kai turning one, and a Christmas at home (so low-key I didn't write a post.)

And no retrospective of  2012 is complete without a list of the top whatevers. So I bring you 2012's greatest parenting moments:

10. Kai's giggly grin. 

9. Xander learning how to spell "on" and "off"

8. Xander says to us, "I love you to the moon and back!"

7. Kai starts saying "uh oh" and doesn't stop for four hours.

6. Kai jumps out of his high chair while on Mom's watch, but is OK, say the ER doctors.

5. Every morning the whole family, including the cat, end up in Mom and Dad's bed.

4. Xander reprimands Mom for yelling at Daddy to get her a towel after Kai spit up on his newly changed clothes. "Next time Mommy, you should just get the towel yourself."

3. Getting locked out of the house and asking Xander to go through the cat door to let us in.

2. Xander announces after a BM "Who wants to wipe my butt?"

And the best parenting moment of 2012:

1. Kai spits up on the floor. And licks it up before we can get to it.

Changing Lives

Living with two under five years old means there are always big changes underway.

Reading on the couch, a typical Saturday morning activity.

Kai: Here's what babycenter says  about thirteen-month old development:

• Picky eater (check)
• Waking up at night (check)
• Screaming (check)

There's good things, too. He's saying some words pretty clearly, but half are in Spanish so I don't always catch them. (Leche, purple, milk, gato are some recent ones.) He understands a lot, and has very expressive and dramatic body language. He will flop to the floor on his tummy to let you know just how much he doesn't want to give up that toy. He also is one of the best huggers I know, resting his head on your shoulder and squeezing with his little arms. He occupies himself by "reading" board books (we've had to hide the libary books, otherwise they get destroyed). He also has climbed onto chairs, low tables, and has tried to do pullups on our desks. And, drumroll....he's starting to WALK!
Here's the 13 to 18 month milestone chart.

Xander: Here's what babycenter says about four-year old development.

I've got to say, that this age so far is my favorite. I just spent an hour playing card games with him: Go Fish! then War (but we call it--hippy alert-- "The Contest Game"), and then UNO. Midway through, I thought, wow, I'm really enjoying his company. I truly like spending time with Xander, and not just because he's my son. (Parents, you must know what I'm talking about.)

I've also said this before, but Xander has a sharp sense of humor:

X throws a foam block at my head.
Me, angry: "Xander, don't throw blocks at my face. Are you going to do that again?"
Xander: "No, there's no more blocks nearby."

Happy New Year 2013

I realize I'm remiss in posting lately. Christmas, school break, New Years, wanting to get enough sleep, etc... typical excuses. Here's a short one.

For New Years Eve, we put Kai to bed at 7 p.m. and then built a fire in the fireplace. I made oatmeal cookies with chocolate chips, coconut flakes, and pecans (yum!) while Micah and Xander read books in front of the fire. We toasted the New Year (at 9 p.m.) with champagne, hot chocolate (Xander's beverage) and cookies fresh from the oven, while our bare feet got pleasantly warm in front of the fire. It was delightful.

The Ledbetter House is rockin on NYE 2013

Mommy & Xander after too much chocolate/champagne
Yes, that is a diaper on X's head, and yes this is not the first time
you have seen this happen.

The next day we got cracking on our resolutions.

Xander cleans his rug while Kai studies some Spanish.

And to end this post, a video demonstrating Kai's mad scaling skills. We are calling him Danger Bear.

 Wishing all a happy, healthy, and peaceful 2013.